Cheers for the thought!!!

Don’t get me wrong! I am not a nationalist (football aside – sorry, but I’m all tricolour and Fields of Athenry) . I find the idea of putting ourselves into convenient little groups, based on imaginary communities, for the purposes of exclusion, more than a little silly. After all, years of chasing new experiences abroad have taught me to value diversity over cultural homogeneity.  So I find myself living in London, amongst the English, and gradually learning to love it. However, as welcoming as the English have been, I feel unable to share in the media enthusiasm generated by the Queen’s historic visit to my town of origin. Not for any of the reasons some of the more nationalistic of my countrymen are bandying about: colonial history, political oppression, massacres, penal laws etc. No, my gripe is far more shallow.

Ireland is broke, broke… BROKE. The banks are empty. Lawyers frantically rummage in bins for scraps. Property developers prostitute themselves in the half finished buildings of their glory days. Ghost towns, devoid of human life, litter the countryside to the extent that you could be forgiven for thinking you were driving through a scene from the Omega Man. Horror of horrors – the pubs of Dublin are empty!!! Half the people I know are over here. The other half will follow soon. All those years of the Celtic Tiger and what do we have to show for it? Starbucks, hospital waiting lists that make the NHS look like a pleasant excursion to the south of France, and a 398 ft steel phallus known as the Millennium Spire.  In our hour of economic turmoil the British have bestowed a generous gift upon us. The gift of Her Majesty the Queen!

I like gifts. I like them a lot. Especially receiving them. Giving them is more problematic. I don’t want to sound ungrateful, but…

Sending the one woman in Britain whose annual hat budget eclipses the most optimistic estimates for the net worth of our entire banking system strikes me as a little bit out of kilter with the spirit of the times. There is also the issue of an estimated security bill of 25,000,000 Euro. Ireland needs to spend 25 million like we need a hole in the head. Given the widespread unemployment and fear of further job losses, perhaps a British person of former wealth and fame, but also one who has fallen on hard times, would have made a more suitable candidate. This being a media Blog (well… kind of, I’m writing it as part of a media course), I can think of an excellent candidate.

Lembit Opik. Not necessarily a media figure but probably most famous for cavorting with something called a Cheeky Girl. Apparently he used to have something to do with politics. Anyway, it’s a win-win situation. He has nothing to do. The British wouldn’t miss him. He would find plenty of politicians in the same boat as him if he visited the ranks of the now decimated Fiana Fail party. I’m sure it would cost us considerably less to protect him.

Okay, on second thoughts, keep him. Thanks for the sentiment. I’m all for the normalisation of Anglo-Irish relations. I am very fond of a great many Londoners. Please let me stay. Just next time, instead of the Queen, send Helen Mirren. Who doesn’t love Helen? She also looked remarkably similar to the Queen in that film… not 2010 or Alien… oh yeah… The Queen.



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: